Snicker salad and Tapatio!

Bloody hello Harkonians!

Welcome to part 3 of ‘PA Musings’. If you haven’t read part 2, you can read it here. I’ll wait.

To kick things off, I’d like to take a minute and remind you that our Kickstarter is nearing it’s end date and we are almost there. Just a few more of you lovely backers are needed so we can finish making this movie super bloody awesome. You can check out our Kickstarter here.

Ahh Tapatio…my favorite food enhancer. Being the PA, I didnt have much say in what we need to get. However, there was 1 thing I demanded. Tapatio! This all came about, during one of our first meals as a group, when most of the cast and crew had arrived from their long treks from LA. The wonderfully talented Megan O’neil, whom you see in the trailer, made a comment of wishing she had some hot sauce. Being the new guy of the group, I quietly agreed. Others around the dinner table said it’d be cool to have some but could live without. This sparked a short discussion of what type of hot sauce would be good, Tabasco or Tapatio. While the others said either would be fine if we could get any, Megan and I were both adamant that the hot sauce in need was Tapatio and we could not live without it. and not just some, but, butt-loads of Tapatio. Turns out, she and i were cut from the same spice rack, because, we like some food with our Tapatio. At this moment, I knew what I had to do. I would make sure that I had to go to Walmart, which was 30 minutes away, and return with a big ass bottle of this spicy rectum killer for us to use, and just us two. no one else, since they couldn’t care less. I told our producers that I “had” to make a run and get some additional supplies that I had “forgotten.” I was off on my hunt the following day. And lo and behold, I found this ginormous bottle of Tapatio. It had to be at least 1 liter of red lava and for just $2. Thank you Walmart! That night at dinner, I showed the bottle to Megan, as if it were a bottle of Crystal. Everyone gasped and snickered as to why I had gotten such a large bottle, especially since we’re only going to be here for a few weeks. I just shrugged my shoulders while mentally shouting “THEN YOU AINT GONNA HAVE NONE OF THIS!”  I didn’t care if we were only going to be there for 3 weeks. Hell, Megan and I would make it a mission to finish the bottle between us two, no problem. But wouldn’t you know it? After we poured some on our food, the others asked to put a few drops of the tongue burning liquid on theirs, and they just couldnt get enough! We had made converts of them all. Both to our pleasure and chagrin, they loved the stuff. From then on, everyone was asking to pass the Tapatio. A decision I later regretted as we finished off the bottle a few days shy of wrapping in Wisconsin, and I could no longer make any excuse to go for a “supply run”.

Everyone said that the close quarters and cold ass temps brought us all literally and figuratively closer together. But I know the truth. It was the maker of assfire…the burner of insides…the silent but deadly red friend….Tapatio.

As the Tokina was the bane of my existence, Tapatio was my savior. TAPATIO!!!

Alright, now about that Snicker Salad.…what can I say about this ‘salad’ that was offered both as a salad and dessert. Never heard of it, until this one night. Now, this is technically a ‘dessert salad’ which is odd, because there’s nothing salad-y about it. After having worked all day in the cold snow, cast and crew gathered at “homebase” where our production caterer, aka, Ma, had been busy readying dinner with all the Wisconsin fixins. As usual, it was delicious, and loaded with things us Angeleno’s, at least most of us older Angeleno’s, havent gorged on in quite some time, yet alone for every meal. Some of us, including myself, had been craving salads or at least something that food eats.

Once I casually mentioned that it’d be great if we had some salad, Ma happily said, “Of course we have salad”, as she pulls out this large bowl of white stuff, “we, have snicker salad!” Now, I don’t know if I was too exhausted to tell if there was any sarcasm, or if she was serious, but she was all smiles as I looked down at the bowl. It looked like a bowl of whipped cream with ‘stuff’ in it. Ma said the ‘stuff’ was snickers and green apples. This was no salad. this was straight up diabeetus! She so lovingly presented it, that it was hard to turn down this heart attack friendly food disguised as a salad. But damn, was it delicious! It went down without a fight, but after a few minutes of finishing a few bites I felt the start of both a sugar rush and food coma setting in quick and in a hurry.

Now, dont get me wrong. Our wonderful Ma did serve us what food eats, at times, but there was never enough. The LA diet of healthy eating was no match for the Wisconsin meaty, buttery, and sweet offerings surely concocted from the kitchens of the American Heart Association to continue to have a steady stream of new customers. Many of us put on some pounds regardless of the cold and long hours of running around, and the lucky few either stayed the same (you bastards) or actually lost weight (my mortal enemy). Though, the latter was a vegetarian and got sick for a bit, so you’d think he’d deserve a pass….NEIN!!! You know who you are! You lovable sonofagunyou. Damn you! But I digress. This thing called a salad, was a true eye opener even though there’s nothing salad-y about it! A dessert called a salad and served as one to be consumed during the meal and not afterwards. But we finished the entire thing, or did I finish the entire thing? I actually can’t recall this. I can only remember taking the first spoonful of this gooey concoction and waking up the next day caused by the food coma that had begun to set in from the dinner,  magnified by the sugar coma inducing snicker salad.

Ma’s cooking is a helluva of drug…and ohhhh how I miss it!

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