Tag: junkie_featured

In the summer of 2013, two brothers set out on a journey. Their purpose was noble, their cause was just. But it was not long before their adventure turned into an ordeal, fraught with moderate physical exertion and severe inconvenience. In the end they returned victorious, with beer hewn from the native forest. But at what cost? Now, Beer School has been granted exclusive access to their incredible story. Come with us as we travel into the hinterlands, in Beer School #7: The Quest for Beer (working title).

The team:

 

HPIM3264Name: Brian

Codename: Cobra Kai

Strengths: annunciates clearly. roughly symmetrical.

Weaknesses: allergic to sleeves/pollen

Special attributes: has built up an immunity to getting hit by cars

Major accomplishments: saw Sonic Youth play the Palladium in ’97

Quote: “I was rooting for the mercenaries in ‘Avatar’.”

 

 

His brother:

 

HPIM3253Name: Scott

Codename: Granola

Strengths: Consummate woodsman. Can start a fire underwater, on Venus. Encyclopedic knowledge of trails, plants, hippie girls.

Weaknesses: dresses like a vagrant

Special Attributes: can hurl his voice at the speed of sound

Major accomplishments: living without Netflix or cable service

  Quote: “Well, shoots, man.”

 

Expedition Day 1, Zero Hour:

“Well, the first thing we needed was water. Which isn’t as easy as it sounds, up in these woods. People pee in there.”

Luckily, using Scott’s preternatural attunement with the natural world, the brothers were able to locate a freshwater spring, issuing forth from the living rock. But it was then, with this hopeful sign, that all hope seemed lost: the water merely seeped, and could not be collected in the jugs the brothers had brought. In adversity, however, heroes truly shine: using ancient Native American secrets, Scott fashioned a spout from a leaf.

HPIM3255
“Well, shoots, man”

Expedition Day 1, Hour two:

“The water was a real score. I almost thought we’d lost it there for a minute, but Scott really pulled us through. I was feeling pretty good as we walked back to the cabin. Of course, I didn’t know what we were in for with the fire.”

In fact the fire proved easy. Scott had a lighter, and the forest is, like, made out of wood. What they hadn’t accounted for was the difficulty in finding level stones to support the brew kettle. A tipping kettle would be catastrophic, dousing their fire and squandering their hard-won water. The expedition teetered on the brink of disaster.

Once again, Scott proved his worth, finding stones that could keep the kettle steady. Progress quickly resumed.

HPIM3258

Expedition Day 1, Hour 3:

“With the brew kettle on I was free to add the first round of hops, and the malt.”

HPIM3261

“Then we went swimmin’. I caught a turtle!”

His name was Rufus.
His name was Rufus.

Rufus, as it turned out, was an elder amongst his people, and was wise in the ways of the forest. Over the course of the next 45 minutes, he taught the brothers many of his mysteries, including how fuck-all boring turtles can be. Seriously, they’re like wet furniture. Except furniture can’t move, whereas turtles choose not to, just to piss you off.

This is their cabin, by the way:

Purty, ain't it?
Purty, ain’t it?

Anyway, things were going well. But true adventure isn’t all swimming and boring-ass turtles. It wouldn’t be long before the team again encountered adversity, and this time it would test their very limits…

Expedition Day 1, Hour 4:

Naw, just kidding. It was rad. Everything went great, and the batch turned out really well. And sure, as an amateur brewer I have to buy my own materials and I don’t get paid for my time. But at the end of the day, would you rather have been brewing here:

4144712284_684602232d

or here:

HPIM3256

Want more from Brian? Find him here http://splicetoday.com/search?q=brian+henley or here https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/bhenley

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This week’s Captioned Babes gallery features the lovely and and vivacious Laura Moro. She is a professional and talented model who can be found on her official Facebook Fan Page at: http://www.facebook.com/LauraElisabethFanPage on twitter at http://twitter.com/mslauramoro or on YouTube at http://www.youtube.com/MsLauraMoro.

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From the bottom of the hearts of the entire New Gold Tooth staff, we’d like to wish you a happy American Independence Day. In honor of America we give you: babes in Fourth of July Outfits! Enjoy.

From the bottom of the hearts of the entire New Gold Tooth staff, we’d like to wish you a happy American Independence Day. In honor of America we give you: babes in Fourth of July Outfits! Enjoy.

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